The following are the recorded responses of Eyazahrid to the feedback he received on the above listed chapter and the story in general for the week following. This document is to serve as a replacement to the traditional Author’s Note at the beginning and ending of chapters and will be kept separate from both the above listed chapter and any future chapters unless deemed sufficiently important.
“And asuma did something stupid with the first words out of his mouth. Jesus that guys dumb in this story he knows that Naruto has the direct ear of the leader of his country how will this end well for him lol. Like at best he gets smacked down by his boss directly because Naruto handed him a country and trading ports that have been mentioned to be the best around for what likely is an extreamly favorable terms because Naruto wants to protect the leaf and have it thrive.“
I’ve always seen Asuma as a very direct and to the point sort of man. He doesn’t have nearly as much shrewdness as his father and if he wants something he’ll let you know.
“Goodbye Asuma, wonderful chapter as always. And by god, what monstrosities were those things you sent us over to read. The descriptions weren’t even spelt right. XD”
Sorry, I have no idea what those were either.
“Au is rather unhappy.”
“Now, I know Asuma can’t be that stupid in his declaration, so I wonder what he actually means. You’ve made it a point to put emphasis on names and titles because they actually hold meaning here. Plus, both Hiruzen and Danzo have made points to stress his importance to Konoha on more than one occasion.
Does he want “Genin Naruto” out of the village? Does he want “the daimyo” out of the village? Does he want “Tsukiyomi” out of the village? Each one is possible without anyone physically leaving.
Or is he really that stupid and declaring that he physically wants Naruto out of the village completely despite all warnings? Time will eventually tell.
I’m also desperate to know Kushina’s reaction to learning Naruto is Tsukiyomi. Well, unless you have Haku and Naruko deliberately avoid informing Kushina of it that is. Wouldn’t put it past you to end on a cliffhanger of her finding out the way Yugao learned Naruto knew of her betrayal.
I eagerly await the next chapter and continue to hope you stay safe.”
I’ve been trying to pay careful attention to the names and I’m glad my readers have been doing the same. The honorifics are always a fun tool to utilize.
“Reviewing, or rather correcting myself here because I forgot about the one-review-per-chapter-only rule here.
Didn’t realize I kept misspelling Tsukuyomi in my most recent review until now. My apologies.”
I’m assuming that’s a Fanfiction.net rule and not an unwritten rule on my story that I didn’t know about.
No worries there, I was misspelling it for like twenty chapters.
“The chapter was great, so many developments in this one chapter. I didn’t see it coming that Akishi would commandeer a room for her use in the den. The discussion with Au was interesting and maybe shows that he isn’t that aware as all think. Naruko getting the knowledge of Narutos identity was already set in stone, the explanation from Haku was good. With the way it ended, she was still surprised about what her brother exactly did. Asuma bluntness to the end was unexpected and I can’t really see this going over well in his case. Considering how much influence Naruto has with the clans, it could make or brake Konoha, if they lose, most likely the Hyuga and Inuzuka. It would also make a nightmare considering what information Konoha has on them and they on Konoha, Asuma plan isn’t really well thought out all things considered.
The view Akishi has on humans is naive and she doesn’t get that they aren’t the same people, they were in the past, is something that is a bit humorous. I still hope she succeeds, as I quite like the way you portray Au.”
Akishi’s views on humans aren’t completely wrong, she just can’t use what she normally would against the High-Priest because unlike other humans this one is actually important.
“LOL in “guest” fgt.
I only log out to make reviews when I can’t make new ones on a certain fic or get blocked because I hurt an Author’s feelings. Looking at you Kyuubi16 you absolute child fgt. Can’t take criticism of any kind that little fking sht.”
Yeah, not really sure what to make of this. Almost seems like they’re responding to a review but it’s not really clear which one that would be. Also not sure why they’re speaking as if Kyuubi16 is going to be reading their review. I’ll assume the blocking is for PMs, because as far as I can tell I can’t block users from reviewing. Shame.
“Your anonymous reviewer/flamer sounds like bad gas.
However onto your lovely gem of a story. I wonder how many people are going to leave with Naruto. Or if he’ll maybe have some of them stay for information purposes. Man how will Kushina take this, man it’s gonna suck to be Asuma in a bit. Pissed Kushina, annoyed Sarutobi and Danzo. Prolly gonna be a toss up on the fire lord tho, could go either way.
Just as interesting however will be how the children of Aū deal with Naruto’s task. And if Orochimaru will be able to find a way to kill a god.
Also Mai and Tsume sure have been gone a while. Will there be a peek into that or will it be a flashback?”
-Duke of Blades
122-A contained a glimpse into that, actually.
My patrons just about rioted in the Patreon comments.
“While Naruto may seem extremely… Let’s say foolish for lack of a better word, by challenging AU, he is… As far as he knows, the strongest person in the world with 2(3?mito I am not sure about)bijuu at his disposal, and if we add seal keeper who knows how much of a challenge the gods would even end up being…
Yeah figuring out to kill a God… That’s the good wholesome stuff that I love!
Ugh… Asuma as hokage while kinda making sense gives the other 4 a bad name, unless you changed something asuma is not even the 2. Strongest jonin in the village…
The yellowing ceiling is a nice touch, never read about it in any Naruto story despite the huge amount of smoking!
Ah great how others realize just how huge of a player Naruto has become! I feel lost? How did Naruto discard Nami? Or rather why would asuma and hiruzen think so?
I hope the snakelike doesn’t end up using wolves as that would not only earn narutos ire but also threaten the wolves used wich would definitely make her an enemy to Naruto…
Ha of course these gates have weight! They managed to harm Naruto more than the entirety of Kiri together!
Wow we really need a layout of narutos home at some point I am starting to think he unconscious lly used sealkeeper to make it bigger on the inside…
“you didn’t go against 2 of the 7 swordsman and kill a daimyo without significant skillyou meant to write kage instead of daimyo?)
“I want you out of my Village” damn I don’t know what Hiruzen has been smoking but it must be quite extreme if even second hand smoke can make Asuma high as the moon…”
Using Karura and Isobu he would be quite formidable, but he can’t do that safely quite yet. He’s really not considering himself as very powerful, he just refuses to let the impossible stop him. Well, that and he really isn’t very pleased with the snakes right now. We do dumb shit when we’re angry.
“I’m not entirely certain why, but I love the fact that Au corrects her by saying the high priest’s will be done. It just seems to elevate Naruto’s importance as the High Priest by a fair margin by effectivlly saying in this senario that the High Priest’s will is more important. It adds some questions about what it is exactlly that Naruto is supposed to do for Au that he’s determined that Naruto be his High Priest pretty much no matter what. Can’t wait to find out both the answer to that question and what Naruto’s response to Asuma will be.”
Well, you could say that by fulfilling Naruto’s will and getting him to agree to be Au’s High-Priest you’re also fulfilling Au’s will of having him as High-Priest. Mainly Au wanted to remind Akishi that her task was to serve the High-priest above everything at the moment.
“Why did I see that grimjaw guy have so many 1k words harem stories and no plot? What have you made me search -sobs-“
Sorry, they just seemed really desperate for people to give them feedback and I’m just such a nice guy……
Totally wasn’t me being passive aggressive and implying that all the work they’ve put in is so horrid even sending people to him couldn’t get him readers. Nope, not one bit.
Was going to discuss the matters more, but I hardly found the time to get this done and there’s no way tearing into someone like that is anywhere close to as important as writing these commentaries or working on chapters. Maybe if they keep at it and I end up with a whole bunch of things to use I’ll take the time to gather it all and write something up, but until then we’ll let them wallow in their jealousy.
Seriously, though, best advice for them is to just keep writing- preferably with constant updates. Having tiny stories that aren’t being updated is not going to pull in viewers. Gods know I wasn’t reading anything under 100k back when I still had the time to, his stories aren’t going to pop up in most people’s searches and if he doesn’t update they wont pop up on the unfiltered page ever. Really shooting yourself in the foot.
And, of course, if they need help they can always reach out through a PM (though that would require an account), Twitter (@Eyazahrid for those of you who don’t follow me for whatever reason), or through the Discord.
“I can’t wait for the next installment, it would be hilarious to get an “ok”. Hahaha!”
-Senyor Fier Mensheir
I can neither confirm nor deny.
“nice i love your story, the way it keeps me guessing and escalating is well done. also not a lot of grammar mistakes either, so you have a great editer/editers or you have a better grasp of it than most.
either way keep up the good work.”
Wait, I can have people edit my story for me? When were you assholes going to tell me that? Oh my god, so many hours wasted!
More seriously, I do go back over the chapter to scan for spelling errors and occasionally adjust sentence flow/punctuation so I’m glad it meets your standards.