The following are the recorded responses of Eyazahrid to the feedback he received on the above listed chapter and the story in general for the week following. This document is to serve as a replacement to the traditional Author’s Note at the beginning and ending of chapters and will be kept separate from both the above listed chapter and any future chapters unless deemed sufficiently important.
It may have come to your attention in the past month or so that these Commentaries were no longer being updated regularly. What started as forgetting one week became putting it off in favor of tryign to keep on schedule with my writing and eventually a decision that these commentaries were unwanted and unneccesasry.
As has been pointed out by several recent reviews, there were individuals who did enjoy these Commentaries as as such I will endeavour to return to a more regular update for this type of content. For this commentary we’ll combine the chapters I’ve missed thus far to make it easier for everybody.
Normally I’ll order the reviews we cover from those with shorter responces to the longer and usually end with negative reviews. For this larger commentary I intend to primarily order them by chapter so the flow might seem off compared to other Commentaries. It’s also possible that questions or comments offered for some chapters might have been covered by developments in later chapters in which case I might not include them. Those that have been answered but I do include will be those I feel might need a bit more clarification from me t oreach a more satisfactory conclusion and propperly acheive the purpose of these posts.
Thanks goes to my Patrons whose support keeps this site running.
If you have any suggestions to improve the site or have any requests for services that could be enjoyed by the community at large please feel free to share them. With Patron support we can go much farther than when I was paying for things out of my own pocket.
OOOhohoho… that is gonna be a funny conversation.
“The wolves are led by a teenager… the Sanbi got taken by a teenager… the entirety of Kiri got bodied by a stinking teenager.”
Right in the pride. Then again, there have been plenty of younger Shinobi with impossible levels of skill. It’s a bad idea to judge someone by their age in this world.
Oh s***. Things are going to get interesting. I actually totally forgot when Zabuza learnt that Naruko is tsukiyomi’s sister. Does he know that Naruto is tsukiyomi?
He knows Tsukuyomi now but he has never met “Naruto”.
Huh what a good way to end the chapter xD after all you would think that THAT particular detail about their fight was the first thing they should have mentioned on their report right haha, so for mei to just getting this huge and juicy detail from her must be pretty h***, specially since she apparently loves gossip.
And now that Haku is going to konoha to offer it aid in dealing with kaze no kuni, I wonder if she will keep tsukuyomis real identity from naruko or if she will spill the beans, and if she will tell anyone else.
Also gases now has his cute lil imouto, something that he will go and tell his other kaasan xD and when he tells them that naruto just got another bijuu as his daughter, I think deidara and Sadie will s*** themselves Hahaha.
Oh and hanabi just got her beautiful and sexy onnichan, lol naruto and his ability to seduce Guiyang girls.
Perhaps not a particularly pertinant piece of information for an after-action report but definately something a Kage would want to know after a person burns down their village.
I’d consider Haku to be rather professional- compared to her father, at least- so in the beginning she’ll likely avoid mentioning it until she knows Mei doesn’t care to keep it a secret. Should that happen, she’s likely to go straight to Naruko about it. In fact, Mei might instruct Haku to do so just to see what else they could learn about him.
Oh, that is a scene I’m going to have to remember to write up. Should be fun.
Not sure if she’ll end up with him or if it will indeed just end up a sibling relationship. We’ll have to see how things develop.
Don’t ever stop this every month I open this to read the new chapters lol. I just wanna let u know that its amazing and really helps as just something to relax and read especially when things in my family aren’t going well so yeah man love what ur doing
Keep it up
I’m glad my work is able to brighten up your day. Hang in there.
I both love the fact that you have an upload schedule as I know when a new chapter is coming, and I hate the fact that you have an upload schedule as it means I know when the next chapter is coming and that honestly makes the wait worse. Still loving this story though!
Sorry to hear that. Maybe I should just start posting randomly? It would certainly make things exciting, wouldn’t it? We’ll do two updates one week and then a three month break followed by chapters three days in a row or something. Keep you all on your toes.
I’m kidding, of course, I’d be too likely to forget when I was supposed to have updates ready and without a deadline I’d never get anything done.
GRAH! I have to stop reading these when they come out! I need to let a backlog build up so the wait isn’t as terrible! Anyway keep up the great work!
You’re not the only one with that idea so I doubt it’s a bad one. Glad to see you’ve been enjoying it.
Why did you make the uzumakis so stupid?
I wouldnt’ say “stupid”, personally. “Thick”, “Dense”, and “one-track minded” should all be pretty accurate while remaining a bit more polite. As for why they’re that way, well, Naruko takes the place of cannon Naruto- with slight enhancements- and I tried to make Kushina resemble that too. Naruko had to get it from somewhere, after all.
Ooooootsume caught between her lovers and naruto. Icha icha should be made out of this!
If I possessed the skills or connections to make that happen I most certainly would.
Lol naruko scared nel xD I am sure her talk with Karura will be interesting to say the least, but with so many clues and even Haku on the way it seems that naruko will finally realize that kakashi was right and naruto is one Badass m*** in comparison to them xD oh and that he is also tsukuyomi too who just came back from burning one the hidden villages to the ground, Yup naruto is really awesome haha, not to mention that poor tsume is having quite the rough day since her daughter just told her she should marry tsukuyomi, only for him to faint on her house and hit his head with the table haha, that was awesome btw, now tsume is taking him to Hana’s room so she can suffer too the next time she stays in her house, tho seeing how Hana became quite the wolve already and how all the females wolves love their daddy tsukuyomi so much I think we all know she will like to sleep on her bed that has his scent hehehe.
While I didn’t design her after Nel, it is pretty fitting when I think about it.
The Inuzuka always offer fun possibilities and the Wolves certainly love their father.
Many great moments in this chapter definitely one of the best overall!
(it also feels like you’re preparing a tsume x Naruto moment in hanas bed (at least in h*ntai logic) but I think it’s a bit early for that? Unless Mai comes along and gives her ok…
I’d say you’re right about it being too early for something like that to happen but who knows? Maybe at some point it will.
The most civil conversation they’ve had in ages and it was all in her head.
My first thought is that it was in his head but then I realize you may be talking about Naruko and Mito which, in turn, makes me question whose side of the seal they had been on. I think I wrote it as Naruko’s in one of the following chapters so we’ll go with that.
I was actually thinking Naruto would tell his sister not to visit. That he did not want her there oh well he does have a soft spot for her lol.
I’d say it’s more of a soft spot for Karura than it is for Naruko. If she wants to have guests then he’ll indulge her, even if he’d rather not have Naruko wandering about in his seal.
And it ends right at the good part…
That’s it. I need to speak to the district manager.
District Manager speaking, how may I help you?
You ruined it, Mai was always one of the most loyal I thought, but going into the story, I always felt that her loyalty was decreasing further and further, I feel that Mai now would waver between Naruto and tsume if it ever came down to it, and that should never happen with your right hand. Sorry, it was an incredible story, but it had a good run and probably will for many others. Goodbye.
Professionally, Mai will stand by Naruto through thick and thin. On a personal level, however, she is having some trouble. She’s already come to terms with the fact that she loves Naruto, now she has to figure out how her remaining feelings for Tsume will fit into her life and how she can balance the two against her duties as Tsukuyomi’s second in command.
Sorry to see you go, best of luck in your search for stories that are more to your taste.
Huh so now mai and tsume will continue their relationship with narutos blessing, and in doing so all three of them can be happy, and it could be better if tsume went along with Hana’s idea and she joins their relationship and so everyone is happy hehehe.
And poor naruko just ended up with more questions now that she knows naruto has three bijuu sealed on his body xD and that will only increase once Haku tells her a couple things naruto has done haha.
There’s certainly a possibility of that but no promises.
Oh, yes, that should be quite fun for her to deal with. I’m feeling slightly merciful so I might give her a bit of reprieve between the two discoveries.
I guess getting out of Konoha is no longer a big deal? Confusing completely to me but not my story. Once the issue came up about needing a new base of operation away from Konoha, one would assume it was a priority especially with Asuma’s actions against his children. ?
While it is a big deal, it’s not an urgent matter. Naruto wants to be able to get the Wolves out if it’s necessary but he also doesn’t want to rush things. As it is he’s keeping most of the Wolves out of Konoha so there are less that have to evacuate if things come to a head before he has a chance to secure a sufficient lair elsewhere.
Naruto: walks in on hot lesbain ***
also Naruto: acts like a asexual virgin and walks out
It was only polite that he excuse himself. DId you expect him to just stand there and watch or perhaps invite himself to join them? Tsume is Mai’s lover, not his. He’ll respect their personal time together.
The song, “Son of the Wolf” by Shawn James would fit perfectly this story
I’m not familiar with it but I’ll have to remember to look it up at some point. Thank you.
King Popoto:Not gonna lie, this story has been going down hill for the last thirty chapters.
It feels as if it has lost sight of what the plot was and that some characters have had some drastic shifts in personality.
You’re right, I definately need to do better at planning out B-plots considering I don’t show much of the main plot. Of course, that’s not very well planned either. Another thing I need to rectify.
As for the characters, I’m not sure if it’s just a few who seem off to you, I’m not properly explaining things within the story, or if I’m making changes to all of them without realizing it. I doubt you’ll see this but if you do I would appreciate a bit more detail so I know where I’m going wrong with their personalities.
Eh not really liking it with the polyamory thing and pretty sure Mai is still count as cheating tho
I’m sorry it doesn’t agree with you but it has been a theme of this story for quite some time now. Personally I don’t see how someone can cheat if they’re not actually in a formal relationship but that would be a matter of opinion based on someone’s personal values and their views on relationships.
I kinda hope to see more of aya. Seems like some interesting things could come about with her and more interactions with aū’s religion. Also hope to see the story progress more in the coming chapters. As it seems to have stagnated some in the last few.
I’m not sure if Aya herself will make many more appearances in the physical world- though it’s always possible- but there will most definitely be more dealings with Aū and his children to come.
Not exactly sure where you’d strike to perform that but figuratively accurate all the same.
Great… more melodrama. I get that you’re going to take this Mai-Naruto drama somewhere (again), but did you really have to regurgitate the EXACT SAME PLOT POINT?! Holy f*** I honestly couldn’t believer what I was reading for a second. It’s like you have no idea how to write anything but conflict between those three? Yes Naruto is emotionally stunted and needs to grow in many ways, but in Mai’s end? Helllooooo, didn’t we spend over 10 chapters with her firmly establishing what she felt for Naruto? Goddamn what an awful chapter. Not because of what you wrote, simply that it’s been seen before.
I’d be lying if I said your review didn’t hit as one of the hardest. I usually look forward to hearing your opinions on my work but I have no trouble understanding exactly where you’re coming from with this opinion.
To be perfectly honest I should have included what I’m trying to cover now with my last use of this concept and even then the original execution certainly left more to be desired. I tried to come up with other ways to accomplish what I felt needed to be done but with no other solutions coming I did end up going back to what I attempted last time.
Even so, I’m trying to make the best of it despite knowing it will not only fall as flat as my last attempt but will likely sink further because I’ve made this mistake before. Knowingly employing it despite its previous failure is a massive mark against me and all of my readers deserve more, I simply can’t’ find a way to deliver it while covering parts I think are important.
It’s just as likely, unfortunately, that I’m focusing on the wrong things and my audience is suffering for it but I hope as each smaller plot reaches its conclusion I achieve at least some semblance of cohesion and you can all see what I was trying to do even if it was handled poorly.
Well that seems like a waste. He should take control and not let the new snake be like that. He should teach it.
Between Mai’s dissatisfaction with their relationship and the fact that the last snake he used didn’t need to be taught much he’s not really in the mood to train this serpent to follow basic orders.
:Not going to lie, I feel like this story has been stagnating for some time now. And to be honest I would think that Naruto values his bonds as something sacred.
For him to simply tell Mai to go away and sort herself out it’s like an 180 when ok b his eyes she did nothing wrong.
Hell, he even just gave up his connection to a god of all things just because a summon wasn’t as serious as he wanted it to be.
Probably I don’t see the bigger picture but to me the quality of your work decreased a lot since you decided to get paid for it
I…suppose..I can see how someone might interpret things like that, but your summary of events is not what I was attempting to convey in that chapter. Naruto is suggesting that they take a break from their current relationship so Mai can focus on what it is she wants from the relationship.
With them both needing to be in contact with each other to manage the Wolves this is the best solution he can think of and he;s doing it solely in hopes that it will help Mai.
Matters with that deity are nowhere near concluded, this will simply serve as a catalyst for them to take a more prominent place within the story.
While some of my readers have graciously chipped in to help me with things like this site I have to disagree that my writing’s been changed by that fact.
Deadlines have caused my work to suffer in the past as I scramble to reach word count by my expected update and though I’ll admit I do feel slightly more beholden to those deadlines now that I have some of my readers paying for access to chapters a bit earlier I’ve attempted- with varying levels of success- to stick to deadlines since my very first chapter.
That has not changed, but I will continue to do my best to ensure my work is the best that I can offer.
Was not expecting this turn with the amulet of Au I will almost feel sad not to see it used because of this one encounter.
I wouldn’t be too worried. It has roles to play in this story yet.
You should expand and conclude Naruto’s relationship with Aū a bit more. Didn’t feel like it was finished for good.
Oh, it’s not. Not in the slightest.
Naaah bro. Naruto needs his snake boiiis to mess over his enemies. Surely he could be convinced to teach the new snake how to actually serve to his liking… right?
He could but I think you’ll find that won’t be necessary.
I hope this is the end of the Mai/Naruto pairing. For someone calling herself Amaterasu, she is a bit of a letdown compared to Tsukuyomi.
She definitely hasn’t shown herself capable of being his right hand in the last dozen or chapters. I kinda want Hanabi to take over. Seems like she had her head in the right place.
Just let her be happy with Tsume, Naruto approves. No need for her to be killing herself with guilt.
Lol, try your best Neji! You going to be a daddy now!
Mai is struggling- and perhaps I bit more than I intended her to- with some things at the moment but as soon as she figures those out she’ll be right back to being the young woman Naruto relies on. Of course, what you propose is not entirely implausible. I’m still deciding how that particular part will play out and the ramifications it will have on the rest of the story.
When did kushina find out about karura? She doesn’t seem surprised that naruko mentioned her… The character development? Plot bits? In this chapter we’re very interesting.
Wow I nearly forgot that Naruto used to destroy training grounds…
Konan is peins Mai! That’s hilarious!
And wow Naruto was harsh in his judgment of Aya but I can’t say he is wrong…
That is a typo- it was supposed to be “Mito”. I went back to re-read the scene to see what you were talking about and despite having written the scene it took me a moment to realize what it was supposed to say.
Everyone needs a Mai.
He’s not wrong but there will be some major ramifications due to this.
Excellent work I cant wait for the next chapter! Also question: so is Naruto’s chakra network fixed and what level of strength is he without the use of his bijuu power?
His network is “Healed” in the sence that it is no longer getting worse but it will never reach the point it should have. He has low-Chuunin reserves but his control is near Jounin level.
Upsetting gods are we? I’m offended I wasn’t invited
Indeed we are. We’ll try to do better next time and invite you beforehand.
I said I was going to keep things sorted by chapter but as I went through everything there were a few that I thought would fit better here at the end. First we have someone who left a review that, well, I’ll juust post it like the others.
:Hot DAMN this story sucks balls. No joke; the plot, if there is even one coherent enough to be assessed, is awful.
You know what does have a good plot, though? Anything made by “I Luvgrace420” that guy knows how to write a story! Drop him a review if you get a chance, but dont hate!0..j
-Guest (ILuvGrace420, presumably)
To be honest, I think I’m more amused than upset. More pity than anger, too. I’m not exactly sure what they were trying to accomplish with this considering there’s no tangible benefit to gaining reviews and even if there were this is certainly not an efficient way to obtain them.
The best part, however, is the fact that they flame a story- or attempt to, anyway- and then have the gall to request no flames when you go review their own stories. Perhaps they’d be better off working on their stories instead of taking the time to do things like this. Regardless, best of luck to them accomplishing…whatever goal this was supposed to fulfil, I suppose.
The next one, unfortunately, is a much more serious review.
Never before have I been sober and coherent and felt the need to attack an author or his reviewers over any fiction or preferences they may have written/enjoyed, but just for this specific instance I’ll make an exception (and to any and all who feel the need to attack me, do so on DMs or by review bombing my fictions with signed accounts so I can actually respond and kek in kind). I’d thought of offering this a review, but this dross doesn’t even deserve criticism; saying there is something to criticize here means there is something here that might warrant a redemption – which, believe you me, it does not. I stopped reading at sixty something, but always forgot to put it out of alerts since I’ve stopped using my FF account a while; so, this evening, imagine me being color surprised to see this has 111 chapters and is still steaming forth with no end in sight! I don’t mind that you write the most horrible tropes I’ve seen on this site (underage kids being sexualised, cannibalism, your juvenile, almost anger inducingly juvenile take on prostitution, genocide and so on).
I’ve always refrained from delivering this “hate speech” considering this was fanfiction, and it amounts to nothing more than a worthless hobby that we create by leeching off of some pro’s creative mindset and world to satisfy our imagination; however, I made the mistake of scrolling down and seeing the “proud” list of patrons you’ve pasted smack on the bottom of the 111th Anniversary of one of the most horrible and disgusting works I’ve come across on this accursed website. At this point, after you’ve monetised it, it stops being a worthless fiction and actually amounts to something i.e., you’ve come up to fight with big boys and can be levied a negative remark without me feeling like a horrible person for ruining your day, but more so my own time.
I ask this not of you, but of your readers – especially the readers – What’s wrong with you people? How does this fictions warrant someone shelling our real currency on it, and what kind of human beings are we to actually think this fiction is actually worthy enough of our attention so that we become paid readers to keep this fiction pumping chapters like clockwork. I only came across this fiction and kept at it because ncpfan and me go a ways back, and he actually helped me with my own fictions back in the day before the rancidity of your fictions became bile inducing enough that I physically wanted to wretch. So, I ask again, what warranted people to think this worthy of a real life payment? I’m honestly colored curious, and even if it’s with abuse, do send me your “thoughts” as to your decision that made that list of readers beneath this cancer manual of a fiction possible.
This one I do think I’ll be reaching out directly to NXSE about in addition to mentioning it here. I was tempted to only reach out privately and not include this in the Commentary at all but in the end it is a very important subject and something that wouldn’t hurt to address even if I’ve spoken of it previously.
The beginning of the review- specifically their opinion of the story and the list f issues they have with the content itself- I don’t believe warrants a response considering it is a matter of taste but I do want to focus on the main subject of the feedback left here – Patreon.
The Patreon funds do go to helping me personally- such as the tires I had to purchase recently- and to doing things like having this site but while I appreciate the generosity of my Patrons I stand firmly behind the fact that my work on this story will remain freely available for everyone. I started thsi work for free and I will publish the last chapter for free.
This isn’t just a matter of the fact that I don’t own Naruto- who would have guesssed- but because fanfiction has been a major part of my life for years and it would be remise of me to not to contribute back to the fanfiction community. I’ve spent far too many hours to count on Fanfiction.net reading stories I loved, stories I hated, and stories that left me with a burnign desire t ocreate something myself to try charging others for the same experience.
And while I know my story is one of those stories that a lot of people don’t like, I will continue to provide it to those who do enjoy it just as some of my favorite authors worked tirelessly at their own stories that I enjoyed over the years.
I think we’ll stop there and let this rest. I’ll reach out to them about this directly though I don’t suspect it will change anything. Still, I doubt very highly that they read these but for some reason feel that I should explain that a bit more so we’ll see what happens.
But, to end on a more positive note, here’s a review talking about the lack of recent Commentaries. I thought there had been more, but having gone through all the reviews I can only assume the others had been PMs. I’d no for sure, but I lack the energy to check. Negative reviews can often be used to improve my work but going through them all again does take its toll.
I’m a little sad to no longer see you adding chapter commentaries (unless I missed something) on Eyazahrid dot net. I, for one, did actually go read your chapter commentaries to see what your responses to some reviewer comments were, for better or worse. Even now, I don’t see any new additions since mid-February and I found it interesting to get some insight as to how you expected people to react to something…especially given recent in-story events.
I think you can go ahead and consider this Commentary a response to that review, Red Beoulve, and while I don’t have the names of the others to bring this up on hand at the moment they too played a key part in my decision to come back and write these Commentaries. Thank you all.
With this I do believe we’re finished so until I next have your attention,